Here’s a synopsis of the talk I gave at Elektrobit for Women’s Day on 8th March 2021. I’ve edited it to give you the highlights only.
It’s still long though: so here’s the TL;DR version:
1. Both genders are impacted by patriarchy at the workplace. Hence Women’s Day is for both. Elektrobit is one of those progressive companies that gets it so it was a joy to see both Men and Women in the audience.
2. Rather than inspiration, I wanted to leave action points that individuals could use at the workplace: and that the organization could support over the year. So that real change takes place. Here are the initiatives:
3. Closed with the Ardhnareshwari story; which is Shiva in his divine Male/ Female form to show how both energies are necessary for creation and growth.
4. Aftermath: The organization is discussing ways to ensure the actions can be implemented and supported through the year.
The Ardhnareshwari Benefit:
I began by acknowledging the paradox of Women’s Day; and how it has held no personal meaning for me. And yet, perhaps preparation for this talk gave me an opportunity to pause and reflect to ask myself, “What can I do to make my life better, as a woman and a leader in the corporate world for the rest of the year?” I requested the audience to use the day as an opportunity to do the same.
I also emphasized that in my 27 years of public speaking my arc of talks has shifted from inspiration to action. So I would focus on action oriented takeaways.
Women’s Day: Important for both women and men:
The Dipylon Mistress:
Women are understandably cynical. And here’s an example of why we need to move from cynicism to action. Greek pottery has been central to archeological history of the island. From 900 BC to 700 BC, as the art was becoming significantly more proficient; the designs on the surface were usually geometric patterns. In 700 BC a breakthrough was made with human figurines replacing geometry; and this turning point became a celebrated moment. Archeologists decided to name the leader of this design movement from geometry to human figures, the Dipylon Master a century ago. Just this year, Sarah Murray, a professor in archeology, propagated a thesis with compelling evidence that the Dipylon Master could have been a woman. A Dipylon Mistress. This raises interesting points of reflection, regardless of the thesis: 1) Why is it that women aren’t even considered as drivers of breakthrough work? It took 100 years to even consider the possibility 2) History and archeology have traditionally been written and led by men, so they naturally it is a male driven narrative that flows through every invention/ discovery 3) How many times has it happened to us women: where our presence has been erased and our work has been appropriated? With many nods around the room, and my own personal story, this became the stepping stone to say, “Let’s use this time to reflect so we don’t let this happen to our work repeatedly.”
Do Men need to die on the job?
Men are understandably cynical as well. Is this just another gimmick for a day? What’s it got to do with me, it’s for women? And in any case, #NotAllMen and certainly not me. Well, here’s what’s in it for all men. Societal roles over centuries have pigeon-holed men into breadwinners, to bring food to the table at all costs. This creates a huge pressure to consistently be part of the rat race without a break. Hence, they carry a great amount of job stress. One study with just over 100,000 participants found were surveyed that job strain increases the probability of death by 68%, even when men are healthy, exercise, eat well, and don’t drink alcohol. (Link at the end of the article). Interestingly, women handle job stress better, and don’t die from it. Hence, if we’re operating at 50% of our total capacity by excluding women and adding to 100% of stress as a result; it makes sense to pause and reflect how Women’s Day creates space for men. Because by working with women, they can literally figure out how not to die.
And hence, it is for both genders to step up reflect and renew their ways of working on this day. It is not an aggressive pointing of fingers between sexes or a competition between the two, but rather how both sexes suffer when patriarchy is at play at work. And how a meaningful alliance can benefit the organization, the jobs to be done and professional satisfaction for both women and men.
Action point 1: For women: Men are allies. Find your allies.
No successful woman has been able to rise to her position on her own. There are always allies wanting to help you succeed. It was especially relevant for me as a young consultant in the ‘90’s in an exclusively male dominated business world. I shared an example of the Murugappa group, where I was called to pitch an innovation intervention with MM Venkatachalam (Venky, the MD) and Ram Bajekal (the CEO) of Parry Agro, the plantation business of the Murugappa group. Once a couple of rounds of discussion around the proposal was done, and they were ready to begin, I discussed who from Erehwon (my previous organization) would lead it. And Venky said, “We expect you to lead it, since you’re the one who has built the proposal with us.” I was gobsmacked. As a 27-year-old consultant I had never led an assignment on my own before. And yet, here he was showing complete faith in me, and not asking for a more senior consultant. Indeed, lead it I did, and it went on to become a successful intervention. I am grateful to Venky for being the first client to accept me without question as a lead consultant. He knows this. I’ve told him this when we meet, because our professional relationship transformed into a personal friendship that has now extended to over 20 years.
I reflected back to the fact that it was my Dad who was probably my first ally. Born into a family of two girls, the younger of the two; when my mother had a conversation as to whether they ought to have one more, he replied in the negative. “We’d decided on two kids and we have what we want.” He was content that his family was complete. Our parents always brought my sister and I up to think of ourselves as no less than boys. And this was in an era where not having a son in India was considered a failure.
And hence the question: Who are your allies (male or female)? Find them, and may they be your stepping stones to success.
Action point 1 for men: Be an active ally.
How could you actually be an ally? An easy starting point is at meetings. Men interrupt women 33% more times than they interrupt other men. (Link at the end of the article) So, be an ally and let her finish. Also, women’s ideas are often ignored and appropriated by men. There’s enough research out there supporting this. And hence, as an ally, when you see interruptions and idea dismissals or idea appropriations, stop it from happening. You might want to start by being an ally at just one meeting per week. This is a measurable way of ensuring commitment to change.
In addition, bystanders do more damage than the detractors. Being an active ally means calling out a colleague when he interrupts a woman, so that collectively the environment becomes sensitized to ally-ship.
Also be an ally by including women. Most business relationships and sometimes even decisions get taken in informal gatherings: a smoke or a chai break, or a huddle around workstation when a sudden problem rises. How can you include a woman here, rather than just at formal meetings? Find ways to do so.
Action point 2 for women: Don’t try to do it like a man: find your own way.
If the norm of behaviour at the workplace is how men do it then most women tend to follow the way men interact, decide, lead. It is imperative instead that we find our own ways of working in tandem with our styles and personalities. I recall a time I was posted as an innovation manager in a large Indian FMCG in Mumbai. I was sitting on the management floor in a cabin, with all the key brands and marketing managers who I had to work with sitting one floor below. I needed informal interactions to bounce off ideas and to build relationships with the marketing team. Especially because innovation in inherently threatening to the status quo. I hit upon the idea of having a cookie jar in my room. People started to walk in to have a cookie (this was in 2003, so it was an unusual idea that drummed up a lot of attention in the organization) and began to discuss ideas. The ice thawed and I was able to get more done through these cookie conversations than any formal meeting ever achieved.
Time and time again, I’ve found investing in personal relationships with people keeping ‘the human need for connection’ front and centre has helped me build lasting alliances with clients. Leaders often return to reconnect with me years later because of this enduring impact. This is my way and works for me. What could work for you?
I also use humour as a tool to connect. (This is feedback from my clients by the way, and since it was given long after they paid me, I have to assume it was not the pressure of money speaking. It was a also evidenced by the fact that the audience laughed many a time during my speech. Though in this case it could also be because I was standing between them and lunch. So it just might have been desperation to endure the yada-yada lady on the podium)
And hence, again, what could work for you? Dig deep into your own personality, interests and style to bring your way of leading and managing unique to all others.
Action point 2 for men: Don’t stereotype or use labels.
It’s so easy to call women emotional, or weak or dismissively state that they can’t handle pressure. Don’t do that. It detracts from seeing each woman as a unique individual. And interestingly men usually escape these kinds of negative stereotypes. One time a woman gets angry, she is emotional and aggressive. One time a man gets angry and he had a bad day or he is showing the team who is boss. I have heard women being told to smile more, or to wear glasses to grow/ cut their hair etc. I don’t ever recall a male colleague exposed to this type of pressure.
In addition, language is a social construct of power. Which is why it has to be used with care. Think about when you call a group with women in it, “Guys” I’ve done it myself very often. But a couple of years ago, I started replacing “Guys” with “Folks” or “Team”. It might sound like politically correct stuff that ‘woke’ people get upset over, but words have a deep impact. A much older colleague used to sometimes refer to us women in the office as ‘babe’. I didn’t really mind it as we were familiar with each other and good friends, as well. Until I noticed a pattern: he leveraged it as a power move when he wanted to kill a female colleague’s input. At that point I stopped him from doing it. Language can be used to liberate or to limit. It is up to us to change our familiar patterns and believe me, it is worth the effort in the long run.
Action point 3 for women: Claim your space:
You have a right to a seat at the table. It is okay to step forward and claim your space. And the most important one is your intellectual space. I gave the audience 4 examples of how I had stepped forward and pushed for what I thought was right, against extreme odds. The business purpose won as a result, with satisfying outcomes for all who were part of it. I will share one of these examples in the action point for men.
Women also tend to second guess themselves a lot. We are prone to apologise for how our intentions might have affected others. In a team that I am currently leading, one of the women challenged one of my decisions in a public forum. It was a legitimate challenge, and I told the team to return to me with the pros and cons of changing the decision, and that I would definitely consider it. Immediately after the call, I received a WhatsApp message from her, “Didn’t mean to offend you.” I responded, “It was a fair and necessary challenge, you have got to stop apologizing.” In fact, my decision changed because of that challenge.
Action point 3 for men: Give women their space and you will both win together.
Some of the best assignments I’ve been on are with male leaders who are secure in their leadership and therefore are not afraid of being challenged on their thinking, whether publicly or privately. Years ago, when working with Unilever Indonesia’s Hygiene Division, headed by Laercio Cardoso, I found him to be one such an open and growth-oriented leader who welcomed me into the team as a partner. Their mission of growing the business three times in three years, ended up being fulfilled in only 9 months because of the work we did together, and the case study has been shared in business schools and with leadership teams, across the world. Laercio called me an integral team member, a friend to the entire team and most importantly a sparring partner. He was not afraid to be challenged. And because of his willingness to accept new ideas and challenges, the business grew well. We all went on to bigger and better assignments as a result. So men in leadership positions, partnering women who can challenge you can actually help you win.
The Ardhnareshwari Benefit:
In the Shiva Purana there’s a story of Brahma creating all male beings, called Prajapatis, who he then instructed to go forth and regenerate. However, they were not able to do so and creation stalled. Brahma prayed to Shiva, who surveyed the situation and immediately discerned where the issue lay. He appeared to Brahma in the form of Ardhnareshwari (half male and half female, or rather: half male energy, half female energy). Brahma instinctively understood what Shiva was trying to teach him. He prayed to the divine feminine energy (Shakti) in Ardhnareshwari and this energy flowed in to enable the feminine side of creation to join with the masculine. And right here is this ancient wisdom is the insight we are seeking: we need both the feminine and the masculine energy to work together for us to win.
Aftermath:
What’s heartening is that the leadership in the organization is looking for ways to institutionalise these action points. How do they create the space for people to practice them? How will they track it? And what will they recognize next year as a part of changing behaviours of people? This is truly how change happens. So perhaps, women’s day can become a human-centred day, 365 days a year.
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Devika Devaiah, Anarva
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Happy to hear from you:
• How are you looking at Women’s Day beyond an event to actual change in the workplace?
• What are your experiences? What other action points would you suggest?
• How could we institutionalise real change for diversity?
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Links:
1. Job stress can kill you: https://www.hindustantimes.com/health/can-job-stress-kill-you-yes-you-are-likely-to-die-early-says-this-study/story-LsgRizL9AmUBbjtqi46SRJ.html
2. Men interrupting women: https://www.careercontessa.com/advice/men-interrupt-women/